AVAILABLE NOW!!! The Cary Grant Sanatorium and Playhouse - A disgraced Hollywood starlet, Donna Darling, and two-time German Army deserter, Séamus von Funck, meet in 1942 at an idyllic Ohio home for unwed mothers—or a Nazi abortion slaughterhouse, depending on whom you talk to. Their love endures despite the efforts of a power-hungry congressman, an overzealous religious tabloid, and Donna's Hollywood past. (Psst, it includes Cary Grant.) They prevail despite Séamus being a suspected Nazi spy and America's first prisoner of the second World War—and also the first to escape.

Available now!!

Available now!!
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About Me

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Will Tinkham has published six novels: THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE, THE GREAT AMERICAN SCRAPBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HANK FENN, BONUS MAN, NO HAPPIER STATE, and ALICE AND HER GRAND BELL. He lives and writes in Minneapolis, MN. His short fiction has been published on three continents and he long ago attended Bread Loaf on a scholarship. An actor of little renown, his credits do include the Guthrie Theater and Theatre in the Round. @WillTinkhamfictionist on Facebook

Thursday, September 8, 2011

On Moving&UPS&Comcast&self-install-kit&freeHBO

I moved last month on what I guess were the two highest heat index days ever or some such thing. Two weeks later I recovered and—what with Gopher sports coming up and a general need for TCM—I went online to sign up for cable. That was August 16. On August 18 I received an email with a tracking number and a promise that my self-install-kit would arrive in 3-5 business days. I stayed home the next Monday and Tuesday, and on Wednesday found three notices (1st, 2nd and final) saying they had tried and failed to deliver the package. Where the first two notices were for those two days I have no idea.

On August 25 I called UPS and was told it had been returned to Comcast. I called Comcast and was told: "I'm putting the new order in right now and you should receive it in 3-5 business days. Five business days later, I called Comcast and was told that order wasn't put in until August 29, and I should receive my self-install-kit in 3-5 business days. Five business days later I called and said not only hasn't my kit been delivered but I've never even received the tracking number. The woman's computer conveniently shut down at this moment and she came back ten minutes later to tell me that that order had somehow never gone through. She told me that her boss had just put a new order in and I should receive my self-install-kit in 3-5 business days.

"Could you change the address to my work address?" I asked. She told me it was too late. I mentioned the order had just been put in. Sorry.

"Could you make that over-night delivery, at your expense, for my trouble?" Sorry, it's too late. Again, the order is five minutes old.

"Could you come to one of our offices and pick it up?" she asked. I guess I hadn't been inconvenienced enough. All this to see some lousy local sports and a Sterling Hayden movie now and then.

Yesterday (September 7, for those keeping score at home), I picked up my self-install-kit and today I found that it was missing its instructions. I went online and, finding nothing, hooked it up myself. I went to the Comcast Activation site, which assured me that everything was hooked up properly and the activation was successful. My tv says different. It says I'm receiving no signal. Did I tell you they gave me three months of HBO and Starz free for my trouble? I can only wonder what those channels are like...


  1. How do you maintain what's left of your sanity is what I want to know. If it wasn't so annoying for you it'd be funny.

  2. P.S. It's a good thing you're handy or you'd still be waiting for cable. I never heard of this how-you-say self-install-kit. And you get to PAY for that?!